Plans
by buffyangelinfinitdesire
Summary: Because Beck is kind of a terrible person.


He was well practiced in making her look like a psycho, had it down to an _art-form_. He would begin the fight in private, keep it going until she was raving mad and hanging on to her sanity by a thread, and then he would drag her somewhere with an audience and push her that last little bit, making sure to sound calm and reasonable and perfectly blameless. Everyone around them would believe it, and with a little subtle revisionist history on his part, so would she. He had the entire world convinced that he was the poor, longsuffering fool who'd willingly attached himself to a ticking time bomb, and he made sure never to let her forget it. She was lucky he put up with her.

He took every opportunity to make her feel inferior to him, like he was just a second away from leaving her and finding someone better. He chipped away at her self esteem until she was sure she would be worthless without him. Everyone else was always willing to lend a helping hand and remind her how crazy he must be to want someone like her whenever she got out of line, and keeping her under his thumb was probably one of the easiest things he'd ever had to do. Until it wasn't.

Half the satisfaction of controlling her was how strong she could be. No matter how much she wanted her father to love her, she never budged an inch in their battle of wills. No matter how much she wanted friends, she never pretended to be anything but what she was. Jade West didn't lose herself to anyone except him. Only, she hadn't lost herself, not really. No matter how far she bent, she just wouldn't break, and when he'd tried to bend her back too far, she'd snapped right back in to place like he never had a hold on her at all.

She still loved him, that much was obvious, but it wasn't like before. He had spent three years making sure she thought she needed him, and now that was all gone. She was fine without him, maybe even better off, and now that she knew that, every ounce of control he'd ever had over her had vanished. If he wanted her back, he'd have to be the one to crawl, and that just wasn't an option.

But then there was Tori. She had been willing to change every aspect of herself simply because she didn't know how to say no. It had been so easy, _she_ had been so easy. Trust me, be yourself _because I say you can_, a smile here, a reassuring touch there, and she was his.

Jade had almost ruined everything. She'd been about to turn down them down, but as independent as she was now, he still knew how to manipulate her. She'd taken the part, and everything had gone on according to plan. Tori was under his thumb, and everyone was sure Jade was the villain of the story.

But Tori wasn't as far gone as he thought she was, and of course it was because of _Jade_. She wasn't willing to hurt _Jade_, even of Jade was willing to hurt her. No matter how hard he pushed her, no matter how much he vilified the girl she was trying to protect, she wouldn't give in. It was beyond frustrating, it was _infuriating_, but still he just smiled and nodded. She would be his, eventually.

But then Tori was on stage and Jade was beside him and every aspect of his plan was in shambles. She had ruined everything, just like she always did. He smiled over at her, hoping to at least salvage some of his hold on her, and even though she smiled back, he knew it was over. She knew, he didn't know how it was even possible, but she knew exactly what he'd been trying to do, and she knew she'd ruined it. She didn't even have to say anything, it was right there in her eyes. She had beaten him at his own game, and she was infuriatingly aware of it.

He wasn't in control. Not of Jade or Tori or anyone at all, there was no one to be vulnerable when he didn't want to be, no one to remind him that he was invincible. For the first time in three years there was no one push his feelings on, and he had to deal with them himself. There was no way to pretend anymore, pretend it was the control he missed instead of her.

He missed Jade. He missed her voice and her smile and her tears, he missed her laugh and her sarcasm; he just missed _her_. He wasn't fine, he wasn't better off, he needed her back.

But it was too late. He'd pushed her too far, and no amount of apologizing would be enough to get her to trust him. Jade was a lot of things, but she wasn't stupid, and she would've had to be to take him back. He knew he should feel some sort of guilt, but there was none, only sadness.

He knew it was his own fault, but he didn't blame himself, he didn't know how. He knew he had no right to feel sorry for himself, but he couldn't help feeling like he deserved a second chance. He didn't, he _knew_ he didn't, but there was some part of him that rejected that. It wasn't his fault, it couldn't be. It was Jade or Tori or the universe, never _him_. He was too perfect, too smart, he couldn't possible have messed his life up this badly.

If Jade had just let him control her, or if Tori hadn't pushed him away, or if Andre hadn't yelled about how much they fought; if they hadn't all gone against the plan, everything would be fine.

It wasn't his fault, it _couldn't_ be.

But blaming it on them wouldn't change the fact that he was alone.

* * *

This just little plot bunny attacked me after I saw Tori Goes Platinum, and refused to be ignored. Reviews are much appreciated.


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